So we’re living in a brave, new world (temporarily), and I’m kind of at the point of feeling numb at this point. At first it was just weird, not being able to take my son into stores or to the playground. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks I can’t take him to the playground because he’s almost 3 and he has a lot of energy to burn off.

I never really went much of anywhere to begin with, being a SAHM and all. But now that you tell me I can’t leave the house, I want to. I miss retail therapy, even if it was just window shopping. Online shopping just isn’t the same, and I can’t justify the shipping prices of most things (unless you spend $35 at a time for some places). I miss going into Bath & Body Works and smelling all their new body washes and candles. I miss going to Target and ogling the adorable toddler clothes.

They’re saying parts of my state might start opening up as soon as next Friday, May 8. However, things still won’t be the same. From what I’m hearing, we might still be mandated to wear face masks in the “yellow” phase, so I’m not sure how much leisure shopping I’ll want to do. You’ll see posts on Facebook and Instagram of people trying on new summer clothes adorned with their masks of choice (mine is camo, in case you’re wondering lol). There’ll be people playing mini golf in masks and blaming their masks fogging up their glasses if they miss a putt.

Now they’re saying schools may not open in PA this fall because of all of this. Childcare is going to be hard to find and expensive, and I can see a lot of parents having to quit their jobs if this is the case. Even non-essential businesses will probably be open by fall, so what are all those parents going back to work supposed to do? Retail workers, waitresses, and the like can’t work from home. I know I can’t say much on the topic since my son isn’t in school yet, but it’s still heartbreaking. Granted, we all know kids aren’t affected like the elderly are, but the thing is, if the do decide to postpone opening school past September, it’s the teachers most at risk of getting symptoms. The scary thing with kids is that you might not even know they’re sick and then bam, an outbreak that causes a second wave. So I can see why they’d decide to postpone school, but they need to come up with a plan and quick.

Well, that’s all I have for now. I’m trying not to let my anxiety get the best of me, trying not to turn into an alcoholic, and trying to lose weight/get fit all at the same time. I’m not gonna be a victim of the Quarantine 15. I hope everyone is staying safe and happy.

Well hello

So I had to break away from Facebook again for a little bit. I didn’t actually deactivate my account this time, but I did delete the app from my phone, so I had to go to the website (gasp!) if I wanted to check notifications or what have you. I made it a week and a half before redownloading it, and that’s only because I couldn’t save pictures or copy and paste text. However, I no longer have it ony home screen, so it’s less tempting to use it. I have been on it less than an hour a day since Thursday, which is a huge improvement over the 4+ hours a day I was just mindlessly scrolling. It was detaching me from my son and I felt like a sh*t mom.

Now if only I could get my husband away from it. He’s downloaded Tik Tok now, and he seems to be on his phone all the damn time when he’s home. I had to tell him to put his phone down earlier when our son was trying to play with him. Granted, he works 8-10 hours a day on weekdays, but that should mean he wants to spend more time with me and our son. I think it could help our marriage immensely, but I don’t know how to break HIS addiction. Can we go back to the days before social media, viral videos, and memes?

What’s happening?

So been a while since I wrote. It’s been a long and trying year, trying to raise a toddler, keeping the house straight, and trying to be the perfect wife. Sadly, I feel like I’m failing at everything right now and I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore.

Sure my kid is smart, but he spends entirely too much time on screens. My house is clean for about 5 minutes a week, which not much I can do about that with a two and a half year old. But my marriage, that is the main focus of my issues.

I feel like I’m the only one trying to do anything anymore. He won’t communicate or open up, and he acts like he doesn’t even want to get help. He says he’s trying to open up, but we’ve been at a standstill for years now and nothing has changed. How am I supposed to stay married to someone who can’t talk to me? I’m drowning in anxiety and depression and he can’t grasp that. He shuts down and becomes detached.

It’s been almost 10 years of marriage for us, and I don’t see it lasting another 2 if he’s not willing to get professional help. I never wanted to get a divorce, but I don’t see any other option. I’m miserable and alone and I need more.

So this is awkward…

So much for writing every day in this lol. I’ve realized that my life just isn’t exciting enough for all that mess really. Plus chasing around an 8 and a half month old baby and trying to keep him entertained is no easy feat, either.

We had a big old snowstorm today that shut down pretty much everything. My hubby was scheduled to go into work at 8, but the roads were treacherous and we only have a 2 wheel drive S10 truck. He would have only worked maybe 2 or 3 hours as it was; work called before 11 and told him they were pulling all the rest of the drivers. Unfortunately he had off work on Monday as well, and he wasn’t even hung over from the Superbowl lol. But that game was one for the record books.

So I’ve really gotta start cutting down on unnecessary spending again. We always impulse shop at the grocery store, but it’s a habit I have to break, especially with Matthew eating more solid foods. Granted our house is paid off now, but the hubby having 2 days off this week and 1 off next is gonna kill us a little. We were going to go to Olive Garden for Valentine’s Day dinner, but I’ve decided to cook instead. I found a really simple crab cake recipe, plus asparagus is on sale and I found a good recipe for them, and we have pierogis. I’ve also been meaning to make an apple dump cake in the Crock Pot, so dinner will be less than $15 as compared to almost $50 with wine and tip (we have 3 bottles of wine here hehe). Now hopefully I can find a sitter for a couple hours.

Well, that’s all for now. The baby is asleep, so I’m gonna find something to watch on Hulu or Netflix I think.


Well my first day missing a blog was yesterday. It was too hectic with shopping and chasing the boy around and playing and whatnot. By the time I had a chance to write, I was just too tired and just wanted to watch the back of my eyelids.

Anyway, I’m going to work on getting fit as my next journey. It’s hard to do any kind of structured fitness routine with a mobile 8 month old, so I guess my main focus for now is what I eat. I need to stop eating so much processed foods and such. I’m not on an insanely tight budget, but I also can’t afford to eat 100% organic.

The first step I’m going to take is to buy plain rice and noodles over the Knorr sides. They’re laden with sodium, so I need to get rid of them. My weakness is condiments, like barbecue sauce and hot sauce, so they’re bad enough.

I don’t eat a lot of red meat, so that’s not an issue at all. I do love sausage, though, and chicken and turkey sausages are hard to find. I also want to raise my son with healthy eating habits. I also need to try and eat more lean fish, besides canned tuna. I love salmon, and I’m still not sure if it’s safe to eat tilapia or not. I hear so many different things; maybe I’ll stick to cod.

All we ever buy are fresh or frozen veggies, none of that canned crap. The preservatives in those will make you put on weight. Trust me, I know from being in a semi truck 24/7 Lol.

I know I can do this, I’ve lost the weight time and again (thanks for the screwy metabolism, dad). However, I’m still breastfeeding for another 4 months at least, so that makes it a little harder as well. I only need to lose about 10 pounds to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’d like to lose 20 to get to where I was back in 2014. That was when my mother moved in with me and started cooking and I gained 10 pounds from that and other health issues. Any advice or support is welcome!


… Is definitely lacking in me tonight. I’ve been going back and forth in my mind on whether or not to write because my day was so uneventful. Well not really uneventful, just nothing too out of the ordinary happened. Besides getting Matthew to eat a piece of Brussels sprout lol, that was pretty sweet.

We started the day an hour early this morning. Not by choice, he just wanted to be bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6AM. Meh, at least it’s a weekend and I had the hubby home. Bubba had an egg for breakfast, well part of one, and is finally getting used to chewing. I just need to get him in the habit of eating at least 2, preferably 3, meals a day soon.

We took him up to his great grandparents house today so me and the hubby could have some quality time alone, something very hard to come by co-sleeping. We went out to the Chinese buffet for lunch and got the sushi we’ve been craving for a while now. What’s funny is that 3 years ago, I couldn’t get my hubby to touch sushi because he tried it once as a kid, but didn’t like it. Now he loves it. Anyway, we came back home for a little bit and just talked and cuddled.

After we picked the bubba up, we picked up his new big boy car seat from Sears that we had on layaway. We then went to Target for lunchtime snacks for the hubby, then to the grocery store for meat and a few odds and ends we found.

On a very positive note, we make our final trailer payment next week. That means what we pay for rent drops from $552 to $302 (lot rent). That’s going to relieve a lot of stress since our son is a growing boy and is starting to eat more solid foods. With his appetite sometimes, I get scared he’ll eat us out of house and home. Anyway, time for me to start winding down and cuddle my bubba.

The end of my Facebook hiatus

Well I reactivated my Facebook today. I probably could have gone longer without, but one of my survey/sampling sites requires I connect with Facebook to log in and I have a report due Monday on a sampling. Plus I had to share a picture of my little man since he turned 8 months today.

He’s also the reason I am writing so late. He was super clingy today and wanted to be up on his feet almost all day. I got a couple cute pictures, and had time to read a little, but that’s about it.

Anyway, I think the no Facebook was good for me. I’ve been in a little bit of a better mood lately and I unfollow and/or unliked pages and people that were mostly negative. I’m going to seriously limit myself from now on, and I think keeping the app off the main screen helps.

Well that’s all I have for now. The boy is fussy and I think his teeth are bothering him, so cuddles it is. Until tomorrow…

Late mornings

Today was one of the hubby’s late mornings, meaning he just left for work at 12:30, when he’s usually gone by 4:30 or 6:30 in the morning before me or the boy are awake. Well, some mornings I’m up around 6, but I bedshare because of chronic back pain when I bend over. So I feel every movement and he moves around every 2 to 3 hours.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, hubby’s schedule was actually changed 3 different times without him knowing, and thank goodness for it. See, he’s supposed to be a “day” driver, which means anytime after 5AM is a reasonable start time (takes him 20-25 minutes to get to work). Well the first thing they had him scheduled for was to be in at 2AM to go to Philly and be there as close to 6AM as possible. Uh no, when you’re driving and getting to your final destination before the sun even comes up, that’s not a “day” run. They have night drivers for that junk that are used to starting around midnight. Well that got cancelled, and then he was supposed to be in between 3 and 4 to go to just outside DC, another almost 3 and a half hour drive. That got cancelled as well, then the same time frame, but to Trenton, NJ. That was also cancelled, so they told him to just call in around 10 this morning and if they needed him, they’d let him know.

The nice thing about late mornings is being able to share a cup of coffee with the hubby. It was also nice because it was my shower day (I take one every other day, mainly because I’m still losing hair in clumps and I don’t do much during the day). I was able to do my whole routine at once, not having to skip brushing my teeth or washing my face for a latter time.

Today we were even able to eat lunch together. We both had soup and gave the youngin some ravioli, which he loves thankfully. I know they have a drop off in weight gain after 6 months, but it seems like he’s been stuck at 17 pounds for a long time. Hopefully it’s just a fast metabolism and he’s getting enough nutrients from the boob.

Lastly, I got to clean up the kitchen and living room. It’s a hard feat to do most of that during the week with a mobile infant, and I don’t like just throwing him in his jumper (we live in a trailer, so the kitchen and living room are connected, I have eyes on him at all times). His pack n play is in the bedroom and that only keeps him calm alone for maybe 15 minutes if I’m lucky. I got the stove cleaned, dishes done, and floor swept and vacuumed, so less that I have to do this weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, the bubba turns 8 months old tomorrow. He’s two thirds of the way through his first year on earth and January is almost over already. Where has the time gone?! He’s pulling himself up on anything and everything, army crawling around the living room and kitchen, and he’s a babbling fool. By the time his 9 month checkup rolls around, he very well could be walking. He’s learning everything way too fast. Heck, maybe he’ll go to Harvard or MIT and take care of mommy and daddy. One can dream, right? Well that’s all for now, and my Facebook hiatus ends tomorrow. I’m reactivating, but hopefully can keep myself from becoming addicted again lol.

My life as a trucker’s wife: Part 2

Yesterday in my blog, I started to explain my husband’s journey into becoming a trucker. We left off with him wanting to find a job where he didn’t have to drive overnights. We wanted a job to where I could go along because we wanted to make up for time lost in the army. We got married and then he was deployed 4 months later.

The company we decided to go with was Con-way Truckload, now known as CFI. The orientation was in Ohio and they only paid for him to go, but I had enough money saved from taking surveys to take the bus with him so I wouldn’t have to wait to get on the truck with him. It was a long, boring week for me in the motel room, but there was a bar and grill and Wal-Mart within walking distance, so after classes we’d go explore. We drove up to Michigan on Friday to get the truck and got our first load going to none other than Pennsylvania lol.

A couple weeks later, we had our first truck issue. It was an older truck with almost half a million miles, so it was to be expected. We got stranded in a little town in Illinois near Chicago, so it was cold and windy as all get out, but the motel had a bar and grill, plus there was a Kmart and a Panda Express nearby. I found out earlier this year our favorite radio DJ from Sirius is from that small town, too lol.

The week before Christmas, we got to take our first cross country run from Iowa to Washington state. Bonus: I got to stop in Idaho where my brother lives and see him for an hour or so. We also fell in love with Montana, got stranded in Baker City, Oregon, and met some cool truck drivers.

We got a brand spanking new truck on New Year’s Eve, then headed to Muskogee, Oklahoma, where we found a hole in the wall bar to ring in the new year at. That was a fun night.

Over the following months, we saw a lot of Texas, a lot of Colorado, and a breakdown in Florida in August. Thankfully, we got to go to Tampa, where the hubby’s uncle lives, and spent some time with him. We chased Pokemon by the bay, went to Ybor City and drank our worries away, and toured the museum where his uncle’s husband is a curator. We also found a nice little bar where they had all you can drink wine on special. I think that may have been the night I conceived my son, lol.

They finally gave us a new truck (well, it was actually old, but it didn’t have electronic issues and was a standard, so hubby was happy about that). Actually, that may have been one of the last times we saw Laredo. The next couple months were nothing to write home about until we had another breakdown in California. Actually, we hit a deer in southern Wyoming on the way to Colorado for a pickup to deliver to California, but they told us to wait to put it in the shop in Los Angeles (I knew that was a bad idea). We were stuck there for 2 weeks with no car and hardly any money for much else. However, we linked up with a couple friends from the army and went to Knotts Berry Farm. We also watched the election and all the damn protesters blocking off the freeways. Thank goodness we didn’t have to travel in that. We got to go home for Christmas and spend it with family, and then told everyone I was pregnant.

We are now off the open road and raising our almost 8 month old son. My hubby still drives, but stays local. I still miss the road, but who knows, maybe one day when the boy is in college, we’ll return.

Life as a trucker’s wife: Part One

My husband has been a truck driver ever since he got out of the army in 2012. I tried to get him to consider other options because I hated the thought of him being gone for weeks on end, but it was a “sure thing” and we needed an immediate income. However, it was his decision and I wasn’t going to talk him out of something he wanted to do.

So it’s a good thing we had roommates, because this job paid crap. He started out for 3 weeks at a school to earn his CDL without paying for it out of pocket and I think he got $200 a week while he was there. When he finally started driving, he got with a teammate making 17 cents a mile. Now with that truck continually moving, it should have been able to travel about 1000-1200 miles a day, depending on stops and speed limits. However, we were lucky to see more than that per week and were lucky to see $400 a week after taxes. Because of living in Georgia and the low cost of living, we didn’t qualify for assistance, despite our $540 a month car payment (car dealerships love to screw over soldiers), $400 a month rent, and well, I won’t bore you with the details.

My husband finally said screw that company after about 5 months and we had to move back north. We initially moved in with my mom in her one bedroom apartment because my husband was supposed to have a job with a flatbed trucking company where he’d make more than double what he was making and be home 3 out of 4 weekends a month, so we could find our own place no problem. But just our luck, the company decided not to hire him last minute due to a speeding ticket. And thanks to that, our car got repossessed in the middle of the night. So it was back home to Pennsylvania for us.

We moved in with my father in law, who was hardly ever there anyway because he stayed with his girlfriend most of the time. Hubby got a good job with a regional flatbed trucking company making good money, so we were able to save up and get our own place and a new vehicle. With this company, he had to start at about midnight and was supposed to drive through the night. He was gone anywhere from 1 to 3 nights at a time and even though I wasn’t supposed to, I’d go with him sometimes. He got caught once and luckily just got bitched at a little, but that was the end of that.

My husband never got the hang of graveyard shift, so was often napping after 3 hours of driving. Come to find out, I discovered he would stop breathing at night, so he got tested for sleep apnea. Lo and behold, he stopped breathing about once a minute, so he got a machine and he could almost instantly tell a difference. Still didn’t change the fact that he hated driving nights, though.

I’ve decided to break this up into more than one part. I don’t feel like having my blog post become a novel and it’s dinner time. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion (or continuation, I could write about my experiences all day lol)!